Every single time I brought home one of my children from the hospital, I felt completely incapable. I didn’t have a clue what to do. Experience didn’t seem to matter. Because with each child came new challenges.
At times I didn’t know what to do when my baby was crying, inconsolable. I didn’t always know how to handle yet another argument between siblings. I wasn’t always sure about my discipline techniques. These past 20 years of mothering have been filled with a lot of “I don’t knows.”
At times I was scared as a mom because of all the uncertainties. But I always drew from a force much stronger than my fears—my love for them. Love that’s greater than the guilt and accusations that have at times plagued me.
A love that prays through the challenges. A love that sees beyond the messy moments. A love that treasures the simplest of times. A love that recognizes the things I do right.
If my children only knew the fears I’ve wrestled with. I’m sure they think that I think I know what I’m doing at all times. That I never doubt for one second every decision I’ve made as a parent. That I don’t regret or look back and wish that something had been different.
So today, this Mother’s Day, I admit to them—to the world—that I’ve never once thought I was supermom. I’ve never trusted fully in my abilities. But…I do think I have a whole lot of super love. And although I don’t trust in my abilities, I do trust in the love that’s in my heart. Because it’s a love that comes from God.
I can’t do this on my own. I need divine help.
I haven’t always done it right. I won’t always do it right. But the one thing my children can always, always count on is a love for them that no other human being on this earth will ever feel for them.
“Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.” —Robert Browning
© 2014, Stephanie Romero