Although you’re never fully prepared when it happens, it’s certainly not uncommon to deal with spiritual brokenness in our children. Sons and daughters who struggle with faith, who question truth or even walk away from God. In some ways we almost expect it to happen when they hit the teen years or when they gain their first taste of independence as an adult.
But what if the spiritual brokenness isn’t an issue with your child? What if it’s with you?
It’s not something we hear much about. It’s not a common topic in Bible studies or even as a conversation piece. And yet it happens. Probably more often than we know.
One of the things I have been committed to in writing this blog is honesty. At times it’s required more of me than I’ve wanted to give. I’ve shared things that others would have kept in secret. I’ve exposed parts of me that I’d preferred to have kept hidden.
I would have loved to know I wasn’t alone in my earlier years of parenting. And so that’s just one of the reasons I’m willing to bare it all. Even now, with older kids, I still know that I’m not alone. I want to be a voice that speaks out hard truths. And so with that, I take a risk in sharing some of my own spiritual brokenness.
It’s scary to be in that place. Because it doesn’t just affect me. It affects my children. Therefore, I struggle not only with my personal issues but fears that it will negatively impact my children.
Although my brokenness probably started at a time I didn’t recognize its beginnings…it became much more obvious in the early months of 2015. A variety of challenges seemed to hit at once. One of the biggest was the death of my father, which hit me very hard. On top of that was the birth of my granddaughter—although certainly a joyous occasion, the timing and circumstances surrounding it still created some stress. In addition there were marital problems, financial difficulties, job insecurities and health issues. But these were just the top six. Let’s just say that 2015 hasn’t been one of the easier years for me or my family.
The impact hasn’t just been emotional and physical. It’s affected me spiritually. Not that I ever walked away from God or stopped believing. However, my faith was shaken to its core. Regaining ground has been slow moving but at least there’s been some progress.
I’ve written quite a bit about guilt and how it affects parents—moms in particular. When you’re spiritually broken and children are watching, guilt can consume you. Somehow I’ve managed to avoid that. Not that I haven’t struggled with it…but I haven’t allowed it to become bigger than my God. I’m learning that even in my weakness, His strength is enough not only for me but my children as well.
This post is just the start of what I hope becomes a conversation piece for others…or at least helps them to know they aren’t alone. You see, sometimes life is messy and pretending otherwise is useless. It’s what you do with it that will be the greatest lesson your children will ever learn.
Mom (or dad), when you’re spiritually broken the only One who can put you together again is God. He is also looking out for your children, especially when your tank is running on empty. Regardless of what comes your way, no matter how far you fall and despite the scars you wear from the battle…God will see you—AND YOUR CHILDREN—through it all.
© 2015, Stephanie Romero